I have a BOYFRIEND who GREW UP with ME.HIS NAME is JIN. I ALWAYS thought of him as a 'FRIEND'... UNTIL LAST YEAR-- when we went to a trip from a club--and I found that I FELL IN LOVE with him ... BEFORE that trip was OVER, I took a STEP and CONFESSED my LOVE for him. And SOON--we became A PAIR of LOVER; BUT--we LOVED each other inDIFFERENT ways ;\ I ALWAYS concentrated on HIM ONLY <3O But BY HIS SIDE--there were SO MANY other girls. To me, he was the ONLY ONE--but to HIM, maybe I was ' JUST ANOTHER GIRL' ;
"JIN... Do you want to go watch a movie?" I asked.
JIN: "I can't."
"Why?--You need to study at home " I felt disappointment GRABBING me.
JIN: "NO--I am going to meet A FRIEND... "
He was ALWAYS like THAT. He met GIRLS--IN FRONT OF ME... Like it was NOTHING. To HIM... I was 'JUST A GIRLFRIEND'. The word 'LOVE' ONLY came out from MY mouth. Since I KNEW him--I had NEVER heard him say 'I LOVE YOU' before. To US... there weren't ANY anniversaries AT ALL. He DIDN'T say ANYTHING from the FIRST DAY and it continued until 100 days... 200 days... EVERY DAY--BEFORE we say 'GOODBYE'--he would just HAND ME a DOLL... EVERY DAY---without fail... and I don't know why.
Then ONE DAY...
Me: Um, Jin, I...
JIN: What? Don't drag, just say...
Me: I LOVE YOU.
JIN: You... Um, just take THIS DOLL and GO HOME. That was HOW he IGNORED my'THREE WORDS' and handed me THE DOLL. Then he DISAPPEARED--like he was RUNNING AWAY. THE DOLLS I received from him EVER day-- FILLED my room... ONE by ONE... There were MANY. Then ONE DAY came... My 15th BIRTHDAY. When I got up in the morning... I'PICTURED a PARTY'--WITH HIM. And STRANDED MYSELF in my room--WAITING for his call. But LUNCH passed... DINNER passed... and SOON--the sky was DARK ; ( He STILL didn't call. It was ALREADY TIRING to LOOK at the phone anymore. Then around 2AM... in the MORNING! --he suddenly CALLED ME and woke me from my sleep ;] He told me to COME OUT of the house .Still... I felt JOY and I RAN OUT happily
Me: JIN
JIN: HERE... take this--
AGAIN--he handed me A LITTLE DOLL.
Me: What's THIS?
JIN: I didn't give it to you YESTERDAY, so I am givingit to you NOW.
I'm going home now. Bye.
Me: WAIT... WAIT!! ;O Do you KNOW what TODAY is?
JIN: TODAY HUH?
I felt SO sad. I THOUGHT he would REMEMBER MY BIRTHDAY. He turned around and WALKED AWAY... Like NOTHING had happened. Then I shouted: WAIT!!!!! ;O
JIN: You have something to say?
Me: Tell me... TELL ME you love me?
JIN: What?!
Me: TELL ME... !!! I put my PATHETIC self behind and CLUNG ON to him.
But he just said simple COLD WORDS--and LEFT.
JIN: "I don't want to say that I 'LOVE SOMEONE' SO EASILY.
If you are DESPERATE to hear it--then find SOMEONE ELSE."
That was WHAT he said--then he RAN off. My legs felt NUMB and I COLLAPSED to the ground... ' He dIDN'T want to say it EASILY --How COULD HE?'I FELT THAT Maybe he IS NOT the right guy for me... ? After that day... I STRANDED MYSELF at home CRYING--just CRYING. he DIDN'T call me... although I was WAITING. He just CONTINUED handing me 'A LITTLE DOLL'--EVERY morning OUTSIDE my house. That's how 'THOSE DOLLS' piled up in my room... EVERY DAY. After a month--I got MYSELF TOGETHER and went to school.
But what made the PAIN resurface was that I saw him on a street with ANOTHER girl He had a SMILE on his face... One that he NEVER showed ME as he touched THE DOLL he held in his hands. I ran STRAIGHT back home and looked at the DOLLS in my room. And TEARS fell... 'WHY did he GIVE these to me .THOSE DOLLS are probably picked out by some OTHER girls!' In a fit of anger--I THREW the DOLLS around. Then SUDDENLY... the phone RANG--It was HIM. He told me to COME OUT to the BUS STOP... OUTSIDE my house. I tried to calm myself down and WALKED to the BUS STOP. I kept REMINDING myself that I AM GOING TO FORGET HIM. That it's going to END. Then he came into MY SIGHT...
holding a BIG DOLL.
JIN: JO... I thought you were PISSED.
You really came... ? I COULDN'T HELP HATING him--acting like
NOTHING had happened and JOKING AROUND. Soon, he held out
THE DOLL as usual...
Me: I DON'T need it.
JIN: What Why? I GRABBED THE DOLL from his hands AND
THREW IT ON THE ROAD.
Me: I DON'T NEED THIS DOLL!--I DON'T need it ANY MORE!! ;O
I DON'T want to see a PERSON LIKE YOU AGAIN!!!! ;*O
I spitted out ALL the words that were INSIDE me.
But UNLIKE other days, his EYES were VERY SHAKING.
"I'm SORRY... " He apologized, in a tiny voice. He THEN walked
OVER to the road to PICK UP THE DOLL.
Me: You STUPID! ;O WHY are you picking up the DOLL??!
Just THROW it AWAY!!!!! ;O But he just IGNORED ME and went to pick up the DOLL... THEN-- HONK! HONK! With a LOUD HONK--a BIG truck was heading towards him ;O "JIN!!!!!!!!!! MOVE!!! MOVE AWAY!!!!" I shouted. But he DIDN'T hear me. He squatted down and picked up THE DOLL.
"JIN!--MOVE!!!!" HONK!!!!!!! "BOOM!" That SOUND... SO terrifying. That's HOW he went AWAY from ME. That's HOW he went AWAY... Without even OPENING his eyes to say ONE WORD to me. After that day... I had to go through EVERY DAY with GUILT and the SADNESS of LOSING HIM... And AFTER spending TWO MONTHS like a CRAZY PERSON--I took out... THE DOLLS. Those were THE ONLY gifts he LEFT ME, since the day we STARTED
GOING OUT. I remembered the days I spent WITH HIM and started to COUNT the dayswhen we were IN LOVE... "One... two... three... " That was HOW I started to count the DOLLS. "FOUR HUNDRED and EIGHTY FOUR... Four hundred AND eighty five--" It all ended with 485 DOLLS. I THEN started to CRY again--with the DOLLS in my ARMS. I hugged it TIGHTLY. Then SUDDENLY... "I LOVE YOU--I LOVE YOU--" I DROPPED THE DOLLS--SHOCKED "I... Love, YOU "---- I PICKED UP the DOLLS and PRESSED its stomachs. "I LOVE YOU! I LOVE YOU!" It CAN'T BE! I PRESSED ALL the DOLLS' STOMACHS as it PILED on the SIDE. "I love you!" "I love you!" "I love you!" Those WORDS came out NON-STOP. 'I love you?' 'Why didn't I REALIZE that?' That HIS HEART was ALWAYS by MY SIDE--PROTECTING ME. Why didn't I REALIZE that he LOVES me THIS much? I took out THE DOLL under the bed... and pressed its stomach--THAT.. was THE LAST DOLL... the one that FELLon the road. It had his BLOOD STAIN on it. The VOICE came out... the ONE that I was MISSING so much! "JO!!! Do you KNOW what today is??! We've been LOVING each other for 486 DAYS... Do you KNOW what 486 IS?-- I COULDN'T say I LOVE YOU... Um... Since I was TOO SHY -- If you FORGIVE ME and TAKE THIS DOLL, I WILL SAY that I LOVE YOU EVERY DAY... till I die--JO -- I LOVE YOU." The tears came FLOWING out of me...
'WHY ? Why?!' I asked. 'GOD... WHY do I only know about ALLTHIS--NOW??!' He CAN'T BE by my SIDE--but he LOVED ME until his LAST MINUTE. For THAT... And FOR THAT REASON--to me, it became COURAGE to LIVE a BEAUTIFUL LIFE... ...
"JIN... Do you want to go watch a movie?" I asked.
JIN: "I can't."
"Why?--You need to study at home " I felt disappointment GRABBING me.
JIN: "NO--I am going to meet A FRIEND... "
He was ALWAYS like THAT. He met GIRLS--IN FRONT OF ME... Like it was NOTHING. To HIM... I was 'JUST A GIRLFRIEND'. The word 'LOVE' ONLY came out from MY mouth. Since I KNEW him--I had NEVER heard him say 'I LOVE YOU' before. To US... there weren't ANY anniversaries AT ALL. He DIDN'T say ANYTHING from the FIRST DAY and it continued until 100 days... 200 days... EVERY DAY--BEFORE we say 'GOODBYE'--he would just HAND ME a DOLL... EVERY DAY---without fail... and I don't know why.
Then ONE DAY...
Me: Um, Jin, I...
JIN: What? Don't drag, just say...
Me: I LOVE YOU.
JIN: You... Um, just take THIS DOLL and GO HOME. That was HOW he IGNORED my'THREE WORDS' and handed me THE DOLL. Then he DISAPPEARED--like he was RUNNING AWAY. THE DOLLS I received from him EVER day-- FILLED my room... ONE by ONE... There were MANY. Then ONE DAY came... My 15th BIRTHDAY. When I got up in the morning... I'PICTURED a PARTY'--WITH HIM. And STRANDED MYSELF in my room--WAITING for his call. But LUNCH passed... DINNER passed... and SOON--the sky was DARK ; ( He STILL didn't call. It was ALREADY TIRING to LOOK at the phone anymore. Then around 2AM... in the MORNING! --he suddenly CALLED ME and woke me from my sleep ;] He told me to COME OUT of the house .Still... I felt JOY and I RAN OUT happily
Me: JIN
JIN: HERE... take this--
AGAIN--he handed me A LITTLE DOLL.
Me: What's THIS?
JIN: I didn't give it to you YESTERDAY, so I am givingit to you NOW.
I'm going home now. Bye.
Me: WAIT... WAIT!! ;O Do you KNOW what TODAY is?
JIN: TODAY HUH?
I felt SO sad. I THOUGHT he would REMEMBER MY BIRTHDAY. He turned around and WALKED AWAY... Like NOTHING had happened. Then I shouted: WAIT!!!!! ;O
JIN: You have something to say?
Me: Tell me... TELL ME you love me?
JIN: What?!
Me: TELL ME... !!! I put my PATHETIC self behind and CLUNG ON to him.
But he just said simple COLD WORDS--and LEFT.
JIN: "I don't want to say that I 'LOVE SOMEONE' SO EASILY.
If you are DESPERATE to hear it--then find SOMEONE ELSE."
That was WHAT he said--then he RAN off. My legs felt NUMB and I COLLAPSED to the ground... ' He dIDN'T want to say it EASILY --How COULD HE?'I FELT THAT Maybe he IS NOT the right guy for me... ? After that day... I STRANDED MYSELF at home CRYING--just CRYING. he DIDN'T call me... although I was WAITING. He just CONTINUED handing me 'A LITTLE DOLL'--EVERY morning OUTSIDE my house. That's how 'THOSE DOLLS' piled up in my room... EVERY DAY. After a month--I got MYSELF TOGETHER and went to school.
But what made the PAIN resurface was that I saw him on a street with ANOTHER girl He had a SMILE on his face... One that he NEVER showed ME as he touched THE DOLL he held in his hands. I ran STRAIGHT back home and looked at the DOLLS in my room. And TEARS fell... 'WHY did he GIVE these to me .THOSE DOLLS are probably picked out by some OTHER girls!' In a fit of anger--I THREW the DOLLS around. Then SUDDENLY... the phone RANG--It was HIM. He told me to COME OUT to the BUS STOP... OUTSIDE my house. I tried to calm myself down and WALKED to the BUS STOP. I kept REMINDING myself that I AM GOING TO FORGET HIM. That it's going to END. Then he came into MY SIGHT...
holding a BIG DOLL.
JIN: JO... I thought you were PISSED.
You really came... ? I COULDN'T HELP HATING him--acting like
NOTHING had happened and JOKING AROUND. Soon, he held out
THE DOLL as usual...
Me: I DON'T need it.
JIN: What Why? I GRABBED THE DOLL from his hands AND
THREW IT ON THE ROAD.
Me: I DON'T NEED THIS DOLL!--I DON'T need it ANY MORE!! ;O
I DON'T want to see a PERSON LIKE YOU AGAIN!!!! ;*O
I spitted out ALL the words that were INSIDE me.
But UNLIKE other days, his EYES were VERY SHAKING.
"I'm SORRY... " He apologized, in a tiny voice. He THEN walked
OVER to the road to PICK UP THE DOLL.
Me: You STUPID! ;O WHY are you picking up the DOLL??!
Just THROW it AWAY!!!!! ;O But he just IGNORED ME and went to pick up the DOLL... THEN-- HONK! HONK! With a LOUD HONK--a BIG truck was heading towards him ;O "JIN!!!!!!!!!! MOVE!!! MOVE AWAY!!!!" I shouted. But he DIDN'T hear me. He squatted down and picked up THE DOLL.
"JIN!--MOVE!!!!" HONK!!!!!!! "BOOM!" That SOUND... SO terrifying. That's HOW he went AWAY from ME. That's HOW he went AWAY... Without even OPENING his eyes to say ONE WORD to me. After that day... I had to go through EVERY DAY with GUILT and the SADNESS of LOSING HIM... And AFTER spending TWO MONTHS like a CRAZY PERSON--I took out... THE DOLLS. Those were THE ONLY gifts he LEFT ME, since the day we STARTED
GOING OUT. I remembered the days I spent WITH HIM and started to COUNT the dayswhen we were IN LOVE... "One... two... three... " That was HOW I started to count the DOLLS. "FOUR HUNDRED and EIGHTY FOUR... Four hundred AND eighty five--" It all ended with 485 DOLLS. I THEN started to CRY again--with the DOLLS in my ARMS. I hugged it TIGHTLY. Then SUDDENLY... "I LOVE YOU--I LOVE YOU--" I DROPPED THE DOLLS--SHOCKED "I... Love, YOU "---- I PICKED UP the DOLLS and PRESSED its stomachs. "I LOVE YOU! I LOVE YOU!" It CAN'T BE! I PRESSED ALL the DOLLS' STOMACHS as it PILED on the SIDE. "I love you!" "I love you!" "I love you!" Those WORDS came out NON-STOP. 'I love you?' 'Why didn't I REALIZE that?' That HIS HEART was ALWAYS by MY SIDE--PROTECTING ME. Why didn't I REALIZE that he LOVES me THIS much? I took out THE DOLL under the bed... and pressed its stomach--THAT.. was THE LAST DOLL... the one that FELLon the road. It had his BLOOD STAIN on it. The VOICE came out... the ONE that I was MISSING so much! "JO!!! Do you KNOW what today is??! We've been LOVING each other for 486 DAYS... Do you KNOW what 486 IS?-- I COULDN'T say I LOVE YOU... Um... Since I was TOO SHY -- If you FORGIVE ME and TAKE THIS DOLL, I WILL SAY that I LOVE YOU EVERY DAY... till I die--JO -- I LOVE YOU." The tears came FLOWING out of me...
'WHY ? Why?!' I asked. 'GOD... WHY do I only know about ALLTHIS--NOW??!' He CAN'T BE by my SIDE--but he LOVED ME until his LAST MINUTE. For THAT... And FOR THAT REASON--to me, it became COURAGE to LIVE a BEAUTIFUL LIFE... ...
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